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Chasing Worthiness


realizing you are worthy

There is nothing more humbling than the moment you realize everything you’ve done in life was motivated by a desire to feel worthy and loved. This revelation was so mind blowing I just sat there and took it in, I was speechless. My life was driven entirely by the pursuit of “success” as defined by the people around me. The expectations to go to college, get married, find a corporate job with benefits, buy a house, and have children were met, a neat little package tied with a bow giving my parents peace of mind, and some form of security for me.


I chased worthiness because I wanted to be seen and loved. Even as I ticked all the boxes, something was missing. I found pockets of joy, but there was a little emptiness inside and lack of fulfillment. The irony is everyone was so consumed with their own issues, no one could see me, acknowledge me, love me in the way I wanted to be loved. It took a while to realize that embodying myself was the power move. From that delicious space of honor, love, and acceptance of myself, I would step out of the race for acceptance and approval. As I reclaimed myself, I understood that worthiness isn’t something you achieve or acquire, it is something you ARE.


For over 40 years my beautiful and authentic Soul waited patiently for me to acknowledge her. I kept looking outside myself for “the thing” that would make me feel whole and complete. I hustled, worked, and volunteered. I made sure I was going above and beyond in everything I did because I thought “if I’m perfect” I’m worthy, and if I’m worthy, I’m loved. It turns out what I had to do was clear all the distortions in my field, break ancestral patterns, have the courage to confront my Ego, and heal emotional wounds to return to myself as Source energy. To say this undertaking was hard is an understatement.


Chasing worthiness looked like giving and doing too much at my expense and setting impossible goals I couldn’t reach. Perfection doesn’t exist, yet I held myself to that perfect standard in all things. I kept myself so busy and in “service” to others leaving little space to actually feel my feelings. Being busy was avoidance behavior allowing me to continue the charade until I just couldn’t do it anymore.


Feelings like fear of not being enough, imposter syndrome, and failing really messed with my psyche and drove me harder towards perfection and achievement. All this hustle just to PROVE my worthiness; one day I had the revelation that my entire life I chased worthiness. Imagine living in a mental prison of never being enough.


Awareness around my unhealthy patterns didn’t surface until I went to therapy in my early 40’s. Realizing I was the problem in my life was a complete and utter surprise. After digesting this knowledge and accepting it, I read the book “Codependent no More” and it blew my mind. My entire life was laid out in black and white; it was as if the author literally tapped into my psyche and wrote my story.


All of us chasing worthiness engage in codependent behavior because the pattern creates a false sense of worthiness and accomplishment. We are programmed from the time we are born to reach and achieve milestones. This program is embedded in our culture, religion, politics, and education; it's in our DNA. Literally every area of life requires meeting standards of expectation, belonging, and conformity. The codependent makes sure everyone feels good and doesn’t suffer; we are adept at meeting everyone’s expectations but our own.


When I realized I was the problem, I decided to consciously pivot and shift. It was kind of a slow crawl back to my authentic self. A deep dive into my soul was the answer. I created space for myself, stopped saying yes when I wanted to say no. Basically, I learned to make myself a priority. It wasn’t easy. There was a breakdown in 2013, a couple brushes with divorce which we managed to avoid, and then the most epic journey back to Soul self that took about10 years.


“The work” as I call it, was intense. For most people, the lack of emotional safety in early childhood doesn’t fully encourage us to be our authentic selves. We learn how to survive and thrive by becoming the person we are expected to be. The thought of not being worthy of love, not being “enough” almost broke me. There was an underlying shame around not meeting expectations that felt like darkness; the weight of that can burrow deep into the psyche and drown you if you don’t do the inner work.


I thought my value depended on being loved and seen as a "success" by people who mattered to me, but what I now know is my worth and value as a Human is inherent. No soul comes in as a throwaway. Everyone is worthy even if they don’t believe it. You are born worthy, it's not something you change; it's like the color of your skin or your ancestry. It is ever present. Healing myself required a conscious commitment to addressing my Ego, my patterns, and confronting the truth. The revelations humbled me.


Every person is born with incredible heroic potential. The seeds of greatness coupled with the embodiment of who we are allow us to embrace our passion and purpose. We have Soul contracts to heal things within us and become the most authentic and heart-based person in all that we do. To truly become the highest expression of ourselves is the offering. We come in with gifts and talents that support whoever we are meant to be here. Everything needed to play our role here and align with our Soul and personal calling is within our genetic code. Our perception of our worth is the only thing standing between us and the person we are meant to be.


I have fully stepped into my power and purpose as Soul Sovereign; nothing has control or power over me. I consistently choose alignment with my Soul which means disappointing people. I require energetic exchange in relationships; no more sacrificing. I have strong boundaries. My life is not about chasing worthiness, it’s about fully embodying, owning, and claiming who I AM. Instead of fighting for approval, I allow everyone to feel, their story is their own, it doesn’t define me. I don't allow siphoning of my energy physically, financially, or emotionally. Finding myself allowed me to embody my inherent worth and no one can take that from me.


May you all find the courage to embody your authentic self and walk through the world with your head held high, knowing you were born worthy and are meant to embody your heroic potential.



 

Written by Wendy Hutchinson, intuitive Ascension Coach, Public Speaker, and Writer.

Visit the blog on her website and learn more about her services, here.

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